‘Submissive wives bring balance & blessings in a marriage’

Talking about your marriage on social media can be a daunting experience. A lot of people are always ready to project their experiences on you. The rise of social media has seen us subscribing to a lot of internet standards and it seems most people are out of touch with the real world.

However, Deborah, a Nigerian woman was not moved at all. Ever since she got married she has been talking highly of her husband sharing with us a glimpse of her marital life. After seeing a tweet that said,

“There’s a lady that wakes up at 5am to make her husband lunch for work.” ~ @_Nadimadisha (X)

“I’ve always been too lazy to wake up and get his lunch ready. But the day he told me a colleague brought two spoons so he’ll eat with her, was the day I set my alarm for 4.50am.” ~ Deborah tweeted.

The tweet got a lot of attention from many internet users including feminists who suggested that the husband was manipulating and not serious about their marriage as he could be snatched by any woman because of food.

The story escalated into a Feminist Vs Patriarchy gender war with women suggesting that men are only interested in over working their spouses, whilst to most men it seems the word Feminist is a slur word. Feminists are treated harshly and makes one wonder if it’s bad to seek gender equality or maybe it means something different to the African population. It was suggested that the reason why most women are single in our generation is because they are not submissive. Women on X (Twitter) were insinuating that according to Nigerian men a good woman is one who cooks, very submissive, and does not voice her concerns in a marriage.

After digging her old tweets, Deborah was shamed for marrying a man who could not provide the basics and things took a different twist. Just like what happened to the KFC couple in 2019 the Nigerian X (Twitter) community decided to gift her.

She has received money from individuals all over the Nigeria and the world, including two phones by the mobile company Infinix, her bank matched the amount of money in her account and some individuals even pledged to help them secure scholarships and jobs abroad. Other gifts she has received to date include cookware, health care services, iPhones, generator, bed frame, and gas stove among other things.

The internet can be a great space when people come together to help each other. It leaves one to wonder why most African graduates are still not able to afford basic things like a decent bed and a refrigerator.

Deborah is a Geophysics graduate and her husband studied mathematics but have been struggling to make ends meet.

In the context of Christian marriages, submission is described as a concept from the Bible, with a look at Ephesians 5:22-24. It is widely defined as the wife willingly submitting to her husband’s leadership and authority (head of the house), while the husband is called to love his wife as Christ loves the Church (being the provider of the home). This is sometimes referred to as “complementarianism,” where the husband and wife have different, but complementary roles.

In other concepts of early life, documented history and the way of traditions and customs, the San people, also known as Bushmen or Basarwa, who have maintained their way of life for thousands of years. They have a deep connection to the land and rely on hunting wild animals and gathering edible plants for their sustenance. Men would leave for the hunt, while the women stayed looking after their shelter and families, and giving the needed moral support to their men on the successful returns. The same can be seen in many other religions, while others have indicated high levels of abuse to the girl child or women in the name of preserving culture and norms.

However, there is a lot of debate and discussion surrounding this topic. Some argue that submission in marriage should be mutual, meaning that both partners should submit to each other and work together as a team. Others believe that submission is outdated and not relevant in modern society.

Ultimately, the definition of submission in marriage is subjective and depends on the beliefs and values of the individuals involved. It is important for couples to have open and honest conversations about their expectations and roles in the marriage to ensure that both partners are on the same page and feel respected and valued.