Chasing the mirage of flawless love blinds us to the beauty of authentic connection. This is because people are too centered on partner enhancement in relationships, simply put “idealization”. Idealization involves the belief that the person we have fallen in love with will be able to fulfil that yearning that one has been longing for. It is the blur thought that sparks hope for a new and better life for a partner who will right the wrongs and heal old hurts. And the question is how realistic is it? and why does that happen?
Rose tinted glasses develop when we lack an actual model of emotional resonance/ responsiveness and we resort to fantasy only to end up being disappointed when we are back on earth. An example is when one is early in a relationship. During the talking phase and getting to know each other phase, one may get to realize that there is no genuine romantic connection between the two, probably no shared interest or ethics and the worst is no real hope for the impending.
But if they continue to engage they start to develop partner enhancement. This is when one starts elevating their accomplishments, it can start from just a gift they are given, the calls they receive. They begin to view this person as attractive, talented and seek out and identify the myriad positives about the partner on the other hand diminishing their negative traits and failings.
What we are blind to is that as the relationship progresses, the partner enhancements tend to wear off. As such we are not likely to see every little thing they do as amazing in most instances, we are more likely to be annoyed by their habits. And that’s when the problem starts.
However, it is never too late for one to reinvigorate the relationship with positive feelings for the other this requires a deliberate effort to think about the partner in a more favorable light. In conclusion, love should come from appreciation and appreciation for one’s character, encounters and existence in general.