When it was time for the annual performance appraisal, I knew I was nowhere near the pass mark. Often being called the most “driven” and a great team player, my contribution to the profitability of the organisation had started on an all-time high and now ending on a dreadful low.

I do not know when it really started but I had stopped rowing and the organisation’s boat was no longer moving as expected. I held a very critical position at the time. As I set waiting for my turn, I started to prepare my answers. Everything lay in the blame game; someone had to take the fall. The walk to the managing director’s office felt like trudging through quicksand. As I entered, his stern expression confirmed my fears. Excuses would not fly and my currency of self-pity was not going to exonerate me, not this time.

Life in the fast lane of ambition, as I was now painfully aware, is fraught not just with calculated risks and strategic decision-making but with potential self-destruction. My choices had led me here but like many of us, we do not want to dance to our music when the ugly tune starts to play. I had unknowingly sabotaged my ascent.

Often sugar coated, these destructive choices fuelled by unchecked impulses, anxieties, or ingrained habits, erodes professional standing, financial security, well-being and drain positive energy. How does one recognize when they have hit “self-destruct mode,” and more importantly, what strategies can help one regain control and course-correct?

The first step to dismantling self-destruction is acknowledging its presence. Here are some red flags to be on the lookout for:

• The Financially Reckless Rainmaker: Living paycheck to paycheck, despite a lucrative income stream, or leveraging excessive debt to fund an unsustainable lifestyle that leave one vulnerable to economic downturns.
• The Chemically Imbalanced Closer: Turning to substances to manage the pressure cooker often times leading to health problems, missed deadlines, and tarnished reputations.
• Trapped in a Toxic Tango: Leaning on substances to cope with the pressure cooker, often leading to health issues, missed deadlines, and a tarnished reputation.
• The Procrastinating Perfectionist: Habitually delaying crucial decisions, setting unrealistic goals, or succumbing to self-doubt can lead to missed opportunities and a plateauing of growth.
• Chronic Stress and Anxiety: Feeling overwhelmed by the weight of expectation, clouding judgment and leading to rash decisions.
• The Hermit Hustle: Disconnecting from mentors, peers, and advisors, leaving one isolated and without a support system.
• Burnout and Physical Neglect: Ignoring sleep patterns, neglecting exercise, or resorting to unhealthy eating habits.
• Diminishing Returns: A noticeable drop in productivity, missed deadlines, or negative feedback from clients or investors.

Self-destructive behaviour is not a random occurrence; it often stems from underlying issues. Here are some common causes:

• Underlying Mental Health Conditions: Chronic depression, anxiety, or unresolved trauma can lead to self-destructive coping mechanisms as a way to manage difficult emotions. People may use substances, engage in self-harm, or isolate themselves to numb emotional pain.
• Unhealthy Relationship Patterns: Low self-esteem or co-dependency in relationships can make individuals more susceptible to self-destructive behaviours. For instance, staying abusive relationships or enabling an addict’s behaviour.
• Environmental Factors: A stressful work environment or social isolation can contribute to feelings of hopelessness and self-destruction. Feeling constantly pressured or lacking social connection can make it difficult to cope with challenges in a healthy way.

Reclaim Your Narrative

Everyone desires freedom. Self-destruction is not a mark of failure; it is a behavioural pattern that can be disrupted. Overcoming self-destruction requires self-awareness and a commitment to change. Where do you start? The following are a few recommendations to get us started.

• Pinpoint Your Triggers: What specific situations or emotions lead you down the path of self-destruction? Identifying these triggers empowers you to develop avoidance or mitigation strategies.
• Build a Support Network: Confide in trusted advisors, mentors, or even a therapist. Sharing your struggles can provide invaluable accountability and emotional support.
• Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Learn to manage stress effectively through exercise, mindfulness practices, or creative outlets.
• Set SMART Goals: Establish Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound goals to build momentum and celebrate progress.
• Seek Professional Help: Do not hesitate to seek guidance from therapists or addiction specialists if you are struggling to manage on your own.