TRIGGER WARNING; This series deals with themes of addiction, self destructive tendencies, mental pain and suicidal ideation. If you are struggling with similar issues, or they are a trigger for you, I advise you read with caution or otherwise refrain.

Those struggling with such issues as those highlighted above, please do not hesitate to reach out to a trusted support system or mental health professional.

Mental Health, Drugs & Substance Abuse: In African society, we are taught to be strong. “Be strong. Pray hard. Don’t shame the family.” And as a result we don’t talk.
But not talking in itself IS talking. When a young man sits alone for hours rolling one joint after another, when a form 4 girl suddenly stops going to church and starts hanging with the wrong crowd, or when a father drinks himself senseless on a daily basis without saying a word; they are all saying something.


Today I shall ask; WHAT ARE WE SAYING WHEN WE DON’T TALK?

WHAT “I’M FINE” OFTEN MEANS. We have perfected the mask. Often giving responses such as, “I’m fine”, “I’m blessed” and “ I’m just tired”. But behind each of these responses is often anxiety that won’t allow us to sleep, grief we were never allowed to mourn, and depression that makes even the smallest of tasks seem insurmountable. Very few ever have words for it, they merely swallow it.
 
DRUGS; NOT MERELY ABOUT GETTING HIGH, BUT OFTEN ABOUT NOT FEELING LOW

I am yet to meet anyone who woke up and decided, “I want to become an addict.” What often starts as recreational drug use is often a shortcut to silence the noise, or give colour to an excruciating dullness.

Though most people consider it a moral failure; substance abuse often begins as an attempt to self-medicate an untreated wound (abuse, heartbreak, grief, exam pressure).  So what most addicts are really saying is, “I cannot cope with this memory.  I cannot sit with this pain. I need to escape for even an hour.”

UNHEARD CRIES OF THE YOUTH. In our culture, we tend to punish the behaviour before we hear the message. If a child exhibits outbursts of rage, stops eating, or becomes reclusive; behaviour which may come across as “disrespectful” or “lazy”, may in fact be, “I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel seen. I don’t know how, or who to ask for help without feeling judged.”

Someone who is mentally ill is often referred to as someone who is being used spiritually (Arikushandiswa), whereas someone who is suffering mild depression or anxiety is termed a cry-baby (Arikuzviitisa).

FAITH, FAMILY & SPIRITUALITY. Predominantly Christian, we are a nation that prays; believing that prayer heals. But at times we pray over what needs therapy, and attempt to deliver what requires a Doctor. Telling someone who is depressed or anxious to ‘pray more’, can equate to telling them their faith is not enough. At times there is need for both the counsellor and chaplain in the same room.

LANGUAGE OF RECOVERY. Recovery is never loud; nor is it ever complete. Recovery says, “Today I chose not to use. Today I asked for help. Today I told the truth.”

WHY DON’T WE LEARN TO LISTEN? If silence is a language and symptom, can we not safely say listening is medicine? We shouldn’t be asking why someone chooses not to talk. Instead, we should be asking, “Have we made it safe for them to talk?”