Yes, its 2025 and we are still talking all things mental health related.
We all know that good mental health and wellbeing involves practicing self care and managing stress, of which building and maintaining healthy relationships is a main aspect. And today I wish to touch on how maintaining these relationships can help in safe guarding ones mental health and wellbeing, as well as the detrimental effect of toxic (unhealthy) relationships.

As has become the trend with me in recent times, I shall start by giving a definition of one or all the key words in my topic for the day; and today it is relationship, which is simply the connection one has with other people. Relationships vary, as some may be platonic, romantic, family or professional. Having pointed out that happy and healthy relationships help with mental health, it is neccessary I point the characteristics of a healthy relationship, and these are trust, respect and open honest communication, which all ought to be mutual.
Although in time I shall touch on each type of relationship, I feel drawn to focus today on marriage. It was quite an easy choice to make, seeing as it was December last month. I feel I can still hear echoes of wedding bells. But my choice was made more so by the appalling rate of divorce within my generation. Something of which I myself am a statistic.

So without wasting too much time, let’s dive right in.

As I just mentioned, happy marriages have become quite a rare occurance in todays society. A very worrying trend as unhappy marriages impact negatively on the mental health of one or both the spouses.

But what is it that makes a happy marriage?
Well I guess its ideal to pint out the characteristics of a happy marriage. A happy marriage is one characterised by strong effective communication, mutual respect and commitment. A happy marriage is one in which both support each other during challenging times, practise forgiveness and nurture a deep friendship.
Effective communication is whereby both parties listen actively, share feelings and thoughts, and disagree respectfully.
Understanding and fostering shared values and opinions is vitally important. But in as much as a lot should be shared, each should allow the other their personal space and time to be their own person.

Also worth noting is that no marriage will prosper if one or both parties do not commit to their vows. Forgivenss, fondness and admiration towards ones partner is also of utmost importance in sustaining a happy marriage. As are showing appreciation and expressing love towards one another.
By so doing, a happy marriage is had, and a happy marriage is one that has a positive impact on the mental health of both involved.
And how you may ask. Well in a happy marriage, stress levels tend to be at a minimum. Moods are generally high as a result of a higher level of life satisfaction.

In a happy marriage the body tends to produce endorphins which have a healing influence on the body and mind when one is in a happy marriage. The comfort from a fulfilling companionship offers comfort and peace of mind.
Deep emotional connections provide a sense of purpose and help in the alleviation of anxiety which is a major symptom of mental health disorders such as depression.
With depression being characterised by long periods of saddness, loneliness and hopelessness, these symptoms tend to be nonexistent or kept to a minimum when in the company of a loving, caring and attentive partner.

And now, to flip the coin. In as much as most couples enter into marriage with the best of intentions, sometimes it doesn’t always go as planned and a marriage ends up being toxic and very much unhappy. And as we shall see, this is very detrimental to ones mental health.
So what is it that makes up an unhappy marriage? Characteristics of an unhappy marriage include a lack of intimacy, a lack of trust and accountability, poor communication and constant criticism. Pretty much the opposite of a happy one, and these are unfortunately quite prevalent today.
In an unhappy marriage we are likely to find all or some of the following; emotional withdrawal, adultery, abuse and addiction, neglect, stonewalling and low self esteem. I could go on, but I fear I might lose feeling in my typing fingers. But I’m sure you get the picture.

Due to ineffective communication, it is quite common that couples tend to go to bed with unresolved issues and conflict, and this manifests into sleep and mood issues.
Neglect within a marriage may result in feelings of hopelessness as the future tends to appear bleak. Never ending conflict tends to result in an emotional disconnection leaving parties withdrawn from each other.
Unhappy marriages tend to lead to depression. This depression will range in severity dependent on how long and how intense the symptoms of the the unhappy marriage have been. As we all know, prolonged periods of saddness, uncertainty and exhaustion are very damaging to ones mental health and common symptoms of depression.

Abuse, both emotional and physical can lead to changes in appetite and increased stress hormone release which leaves one susceptable to mental health illness.
Feelings of anger, aggression and defensiveness can be triggered by, and could trigger anxiety. Anxiety which in itself is a symptom of mental health illness.

In a physically abusive marriage, damage to the body can result in trauma. And if this goes on for lengthy periods and is not addressed can result in mental health illnesses given unresolved trauma may cause mental health illness.

Blaming and shaming, disrespect and stigma within a marriage can trigger mental health disorders due to loss of individuality, lowering of selfesteem, embarrassment and guilt.

So how do you maintain a happy marriage?
Well firstly marry the right person_ you know, a capable wife, able husband. For a happy marriage = a happy life. And life is a journey best travelled in the company of a likeminded and competent other.
Once in the marriage it is imperative and of utmost importance to stand by the vows made to each other. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, so both parties ought to do just that; commit, without further condition.

Open and effective communication is needed without fail in efforts to maintain a happy marriage. Such communication helps to foster understanding and the balancing of needs and support.
Back then I had never attended couples therapy, but now I wish I had. This, along with working together in efforts of self care will foster a happy and healthy marriage.

I will also just add that it is important to provide empathy and compassion to ones partner as and when needed.

And last, but definitely not least, like iron sharpens iron, it is vital to educate ones self and each other on issues of mental health.
I know there may be quite a bit I have left out, but I’m quite content that I have covered the major points (in relation to issues of mental health) on what a happy marriage is comprised off and how it positively affects mental health and vice versa; and on how to maintain a happy marriage.

Till this point, I have been speaking mainly of a marriage comprised of two individuals of which upon entry into the marriage neither suffer from mental health issues. But this is not always the case. So what of a marriage in which one or both partners suffer from mental health issues, or develop one during the course of the marriage?
I have come across marriages in which a spouses mental health disorder has been too hard for the significant other to handle hence leading to divorce. But, I have also seen spouses who have recieved adequate and timely support, treatment and medication who have gone on to have happy marriages and fulfilled lives. And I have seen depressed individuals entering into marriage and having significant improvements in their mental health due to their marriage being a happy one.

That leads us to the questions of how to deal with mental health disorders in a marriage. And how to make a marriage happy and fulfilling even if one or both spouses suffer mental health illnesses.
In the interest of time, I shall generalise my responses as most interconnect.

Without a doubt speaking openly about mental health issues and developing healthy coping strategies such as taking time for selfcare and or couples counselling.
Researching and learning up on mental health illnesses (with greater emphasis on the one your spouse suffers or is susceptable too) is also vitally important. Knowing symptoms, triggers, coping mechanisms and treatment will help greatly in maintaining a happy marriage when faced with mental health illness.

Destigmatise. I shall repeat, destigmatise. A marriage ought to be a safe space. A spouse should not cause shame and embarrassment to their significant other who suffers mental health illness.

It had taken me a longtime to get myself to this point, and I could nolonger hold my peace and felt compelled to write my piece.
So in conclusion I would like to say, love and marriage are beautiful things, or else God would not have made them a source of such joy and happiness. But it is unfortunate that we as a society have taken them and eroded what they stood for and have failed to uphold the sanctity of marriage. And in so doing, we have further inflicted upon ourselves the prevalence of numerous mental health illnesses from marriages that are a source of pain and discomfort.
I know at times, especially in African society there is societal pressure to be married and bare children by a certain age and this has led many into unhappy marriages. So my advice would be for you to remember that noone ever died from being single, but many have died from being with the wrong partner.

So till next time, remember, take care of your mental health and each other. And above all else, beGood.